One Wish of Understanding
by FocusUnbreakable
Summary: So Akira seems incomplete that he doesn't have a friend that truly understands him. Due to his introverted nature, it's very hard to find one . . .Note to those who have been asking, this is not a yaoi fic. Sorry for the confusion!
1. Chapter 1

(Note: Hikaru no Go is not mine, but the wonderful works of Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata. Comments will be appreciated. Thanks!)

One Wish of Understanding

Chapter One: A Father's Pride

Akira stared at the ground. Over the past few days, he just can get this new and unmistakable thought out of his mind. He didn't know why, or what brought up this thought, but he couldn't stop thinking . . . _Is there something more in life? _

Being pretty much secluded in his own mind all his life, he always had a longing for someone who truly understood him. His father seemed to judge him. The people around him, even for the most part his friends referred to him as Akira-Sensei.He shunned himself for even thinking that._ I have so many things that others do not_,_ why do I think such a thing? _He sighed and kicked a rock into the gutter. That longing of a true and fully understanding friend seemed too perfect to even exist in Akira's world. He had all of the people who respected him, and he considered them as friends, but they never knew truly what was really going on in his heart. That's the one thing he wanted, and if only . . .

Finally reaching home, he walked inside and sat down on a nearby chair by the dining room table. The look of longing and heartfelt pain reflected in his electric green eyes.

"Akira-Chan? What is on your mind? Did you have a bad day?" His mother asked gently, aware of how easily Akira can be set off.

"Nothing is wrong, Mother. Just a little lost in thought," Akira replied with a weak smile.

He wished nothing was wrong. This loneliness was driving him crazy; his own thoughts were destroying him once again. He had a short conversation with his mother and ran upstairs to study. Of course, his schoolwork didn't take too long, but then until his father came home he studied further and further of Go. He emptied his mind of all his problems except for the Go board. Doing this daily, he learned quickly how to shut the world out, nearly entranced in his study and game. His father silently walked in.

"Akira, I see you're working at it again," he said blankly, carefully examining the board.

Akira's muscles suddenly tensed up as he now felt the full presence of his father. Again, he felt like he had to be perfect around him, like his father was judging him every second he was around. Akira used to be less tense around his father until he became a professional. Then, he didn't feel like a father, but a teacher, constantly judging and critiquing. Of course, his father didn't feel that way, but as his son grew up, they both spread further apart. It was like they knew each other thoroughly, but no affections were present.

"Reviewing old games again . . ." his father said again, his tone was so empty Akira couldn't tell if he was being praised or criticized.

"Could we play a game, possibly?" Akira asked meekly, his head low.

His father simply nodded, and they started a game.

Akira had been steadily improving all his life, and it was his goal to keep moving forward. Every day he would play his father, and every day he would become slightly stronger. It was his goal to beat his father someday, and become the next Meijin. Until lately, he didn't want to care about how others perceived him. He just was focused on moving forward.

The games used to be teaching games from Kouyo, Akira's father. They still were, but each time he slowly progressed higher. It was ever so slight, but as Akira had wished, he was moving forward again and again.

After the game was over, Kouyo nodded again and said, "Getting better."

Again, Akira didn't know if this was either a congratulation or just saying that Akira was but only mediocre. It used to be his life to try to please his father, but now it felt so hopeless that he seemed to want to give in.

His father's opinion counted more than anyone's, even his closest of friends, and even his mother's. It was a toil just to make his father proud, yet it appeared that all his efforts failed. Akira was always disappointed by this, yet it led him to another level, it lead him onward. Determination gleamed in his eyes after every time his father beat him, and many thoughts raced through his mind. Kouyo was aware of this, and even though he never showed it, he was very proud of his son.


	2. The Fallen Confidence

Chapter 2:

The Fallen Confidence

Akira decided to walk to school that day, trying to sort his mind out. Why? What made him constantly thinking about this? He usually didn't care about what others thought of him, but it felt like a need, like he couldn't go on without someone close to understand him. He sighed as he quickly walked on.

The day was bright and cheery, but Akira's eyes glimmered with a heavy melancholy air. Walking into the doors of Kaio Middle School, he set his bag in his locker and grabbed what he needed for his class.

"What is wrong with me?" Akira mumbled.

Noticing that he just thought aloud again, he would just tread onto the next classes.

The classroom was clean and well up kept. Akira then found his seat, and the teacher began his daily lecture. He would always go into the most explicit detail, and so the lectures would go on for what seemed like forever. Trying to be attentive, Akira's mind wandered off into the distance. This was overly irregular for him, and it drove him further wondering why.

Entirely, the day went on like this. Yun-sensei knew Akira always would tend to sit in the corner and study, so he didn't say anything. On the outside he stayed calm, yet his thoughts were raging.

So after school, he rushed upstairs to further study Go and to get away from the world. It comforted Akira, yet it hurt him. He thought of all the good things he had, but it was starting to help less and less.

Akira suddenly heard his father's heavy footsteps on the old wooden stairways. His expression deepened and he tried to act like he didn't know his father was coming.

The door creaked open and Akira couldn't help but to feel judged by his father's presence. This happened every day, but the feeling was always the same.

"Let's play a game. I want to see how far you've come," he said, kneeling at the board.

Akira glared with full intensity, yet he felt somewhat distracted. His mind lingered off to why he was acting so testy all of the sudden. His playing went on an autopilot, but it wasn't nearly as advanced as when he faced it with his full attention.

"This isn't your best Akira," Kouyo spoke, looking to his son, "For some reason, are you intimidated by me?"

"No," Akira replied coldly, "It's nothing."

Akira was trembling at the thought his father found out that he felt judged. Then, that would just lead to conflict. He couldn't let his father know about the ache in his heart, because that would make him look weak.

"I haven't seen you play like this since you were . . . five years old!" Kouyo exclaimed.

Akira stared at the board, noting that he did play horribly. It made him feel worse that it was in front of his father. Why today, he would ask himself.

"I . . . I know I played horribly, father," Akira stammered.

He hadn't looked into his father's eyes for what seemed like a century. He couldn't. It hurt too much.

Kouyo left promptly, and Akira sat by the board. How could he have played in such a manner? Now, his focus had decreased. By the tone of his father's voice, he sounded displeased. Akira felt like a failure.

Why couldn't he ever seem to please his father? He never said a word, just guided him and helped him move forward, gave him the opportunities and such. Not a word of praise, and that made him feel like he wasn't even accepted as his son. It added onto the things Akira was constantly pelting himself about.

Downstairs, he heard his mother and father talking through the thin wooden floors.

"One thing that Akira does that if a true mistake was that he never lets go of things. He just keeps on destroying himself from the inside. I'm worried. What is wrong with poor Akira-chan?" Akira's mother asked.

"He's probably on the edge because of the latest events. Whatever it is, it's pulverizing his game," Kouyo replied.

"You've never told him that you cared, or that you are proud of his effort. Can't you think of your own son for once?" she asked again, this time more emotional.

Kouyo looked his wife in the eye, seeing the true worry about her son. It was almost like she was feeling Akira's pain right with him. He admired how she always saw these things. She was far more compassionate than Kouyo ever was.

Akira felt even more intimidated now. His father got the idea. What would be his reaction? Would his trust of Akira fall further down the drain?


	3. Fear of one's own Father

Okay, a little over dramatic. I couldn't help it, so enjoy! Sorry for the late edit, I re-did this so many times to make it just right, and I was away from home for awhile.

Chapter 3:

Fear of one's Own Father

Akira shuddered at the idea that his father would see him as less. Or what maybe his father would say to him, or if he even hurt his feelings? Pondering harder, Akira started to wonder if his father even had feelings. If . . . possibly there was some sort of compassion anymore. Back when he was younger, Akira loved his father. But now, he even would start to feel a little scared at the fact of him. How could this be? Akira slammed his fist on the ground. Fear of his own father?

Hearing his father's feet against the creaking floorboards, dread entered Akira's heart. What would he do? How could he get out of this? What will he say? Interrogating himself impatiently, he seemed frozen into where he was kneeling.

The door opened with a seemingly slow and creaking movement. Akira squeezed his eyes shut and lowering his head. Akira was visibly trembling. He couldn't look his father in the eyes. Unable to speak, Akira sat still.

"Akira, your mother and I had a talk . . ." Kouyo said carefully, himself unable to choose the words.

"Father, I know, I was listening." Akira whispered, the words choking off the life in his very soul.

"Is this about yesterday?" Kouyo asked suddenly, his voice raising in a slight but audible manner.

Akira was speechless. He couldn't say a word, and his heart was pounding. Paralyzed, he couldn't move either.

"N . . . No . . ." Akira finally stammered after a seemingly lifetime of silence.

"Akira," he sighed, "Why do you act like this?"

"What do you mean?" Akira asked in return.

They continued in the uncomfortable conversation. Akira was unable to admit that he felt judged by his father, and that those feelings of judgement turn to fear. It hurt Akira to feel so afraid. He felt the hurt in his father's tone grow, yet he couldn't say it, fearing to make the matters worse.

"Come over here," Kouyo said, trying to settle this once and for all.

And, for the first time in months, Akira looked into his father's eyes. They clearly reflected hurt, as much as, or more, of what Akira was feeling.

He felt so empty, letting his son become so emotionally unstable.

_He's never looked like this before . . . _Akira thought to himself.

Sitting down upon a bench, Akira prepared himself to talk to his father.

"What is the matter Akira? Do I intimidate you?" He asked, looking straight at his son.

"I . . . I . . ." Akira gulped and looked down again. "I feel like you're judging me. I try so hard to impress you, yet you never say a word. I'm never enough. I feel like a failure to you, father."

His eyes crystalized, but his held back his tears. His lips felt sealed shut, as if he was mute. It was impossible to say anything, yet it hurt to be silent to his father, clearly trying to assess the problem.

"I can't . . . do anything right for you, father . . ." he finally squeezed out, his voice merely a small and forced whisper.

Akira couldn't believe he was about to cry, dead in front of his father. He felt like a fool, a weakling, but he just couldn't help it. It hurt so much to feel like his father didn't care, because when his father was home, he loved every second. He yearned for it, because it was his father that inspired him, he made his strong. Kouyo lead Akira higher, and he showed his what it was like. He was someone who Akira respected thoroughly, even more so than Kurata, Ogata, or anyone else. Now, it felt miserable that he was fearful of his father's presence, even after all he had done for him. Pain was burning a hole in Akira's heart, and he couldn't take it anymore. All of these hit Akira unmercifully.

"Maybe this isn't the best time, Akira. Just remember that I am so proud of you . . ."

He left then, but with those few words meaning so much to Akira. With no further ado, he continued his study with a more content attitude toward himself. Opening one of his many books, he studied on. _I must keep moving onward. No one will stop me, no one can. _Akira thought to himself, a determined look upon his face.

"Akira, dinner!" his mother called.

That was fast. Akira didn't even note the passing time. Again, he was so involved, the entire world no longer mattered.

He quickly walked into the dining room. When Akira walked around the house, he didn't make a single sound. His footsteps were so silent compared to anyone who had ever walked his house before.

Dinner was on the table, and Akira sat down in his usual place.

"Is everything solved now?" his mother asked.

"Yes, mother. You do not need to worry." Akira replied, more tranquil than he was before.

He then added, "Thanks, Dad."

Kouyo smiled at his son, yet curious of what he actually did in the first place. _It would take years to understand this boy . . . _he chuckled to himself.


End file.
